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Read Gay/les/bi Advice
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| Topic: |
Self |
| Date: |
October 13, 2009 |
| everydayistorture asks: |
| I'm not sure about life anymore. Like I've come out to some of my close friends about me being bi, and they're cool with it, but there's this one. I told him I was bi first, and we pretty much fooled around together (handjobs, blowjobs, held hands) but then I really started to develop feelings for him and he rejected me...at first...then he wasn't sure...then he rejected me again, and it went back in forth until I stopped liking him. After school let out, I called him a lot on the phone because I liked talking to him and he was the only one who knew I was bi at the time. He would tease me and say things like "I wish I could make you feel better," or "I wonder what it would be like if we were more married." Then one day I tried talking to him and he just cussed me out and told me we were no longer friends. I asked my other friends about it and they said he told them that he thought I was creepy, stalkerish, and gay... And now I see him everyday at school because we have a class together and he just ignores me. I want to talk to him but I'm scared that he's just going to continue to ignore me, and it hurts that my friends talk to him knowing what he did to me...what should I do? |
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| bretth4 says: |
| The boy clearly has issues. He clearly is uncomfortable with his own sexual/romantic feelings and because of that feels the need to lash out at you to validate his masculinity. Forget about him, he doesn't deserve you. Move on, and be happy without him. |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
October 09, 2009 |
| Gay and proud asks: |
| Me and my boyfriend have been together for about a monthnow, and we both love eachother very much. In the way of sexual activity weve basicly been moving it up very slowly, first we held hands, then moved it up to casual kissing then bassicly makeing out, now it changed alitle bit today. Im a virgin and hes told me he wants to preserve that because he lost his virginity his freshman year and says that he wants to preserve my innocence because he said that the moment you have sex your teen and childhood innocence goes out the window and you can never get it back and to wait till i was older. Anyway, today we went in the bathroom after school, i knew something was going to happen but i knew i was probably going to like it and didnt object. We went in a stall that was somewhat hidden by other walls, and we didnt have sex, but we did do alot of intiment things if you catch my drift. My question is, are we going to fast or just giving into our urgers? |
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| rickweber says: |
Are you going too fast? Only you two know if things are moving too fast in your relationship. If you think they might be, there's nothing wrong with slowing things down a bit. When it comes to sex, talk about it and decide together when you're both ready.
I'm not sure if you're worried about the idea that sex strips you of your innocence, but I want to address it. He may feel that way after he lost his virginity, but that doesn't mean you will feel that way. Perhaps he feels that way because of the circumstances surrounding the sex. Sex with a caring partner shouldn't leave you feeling violated or as if something was taken away. I think it's good you have a bf who values that in you, and it is worth questioning whether sex is something you want to share with someone. That said, sex doesn't have to carry such a negative connotation to it. |
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| Topic: |
Friends |
| Date: |
October 03, 2009 |
| goaliebabe1 asks: |
| Ok well.... Me and this girl had a thing..we are both girls and well she kinda was liek this isnt me and it kinda ended. But lately shes been diffrent. When we are having a sleepover for instance. She'll sleep realy close to me and touch my foot with her foot and it's totally confusing. I don't see her as that anymore but it just makes me mad that she is changing now. Now that I finally don't liek her she comes back?? its makes no sense to me and its rather confusing so please help me out a bit. Why now? And what does it mean about her? |
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| rickweber says: |
| It sounds like you do still like her. However, I think your perception may be off. Her feelings may not have changed at all. The foot touching may just be that, she's touching your foot with her foot. Even if it was more than that, it may not be something to get your hopes up about. Even if you started your "things" again, she may do the same thing. She may not be ready for that kind of intimacy and she may not be comfortable with herself right now. I would move on, if she comes back into your life later, then talk about it with her then. Until that time, move on with your life and let her sort herself out. |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
September 28, 2009 |
| Confused and Hurt asks: |
| Me and my girlfriend have be having issues lately about her not knowing if she thinks what she is is wrong. She's told me she loves me, but then she'll take it back and say she only thinks of me as just a friend. It hurts, and I've tried to break it off, so she could think about what she wanted, but then she'll come back saying she's sorry. She wants me. She loves me. This past week has been hard. A couple of my close friend found out about us, and she didn't want them to know. She doens't think being called a "lesiban" is right, even though she'll make out with me and she called me her girlfriend. So, tonight, I told her that we should just be friends for a while, so we could both gather our thoughts and then, if we both still wanted to be with eachother we'll take it slow to go back into it. The thing is, she's my best friend, and I have such a good relationship with her, besides romantic, and I don't want to lose it. Do you think I made the right decision? Do you have any idea as to why she keeps saying she's straight, but keeps saying she wants to kiss me and be my girlfriend? |
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| axedmoon says: |
Think to yourself. Wouldn't you want an honest, more open relationship? She doesn't seem to be ready for that, and that can only hurt you if you continue that path.
Sometimes you need time. Sometimes you need distance, but I definitely agree with your decision. It's hard to salvage friendship, but the effort and intention is better than none at all.
I think she's unable to deal with being in an open lesbian relationship. Maybe she's having trouble confronting her sexuality. Maybe she's just not ready for a real relationship. Either way, she cannot (nor can you let her) frustrate you with this unclear status.
I think it's great you are taking the necessary steps to make the situation better.
Good luck,
bean |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
September 26, 2009 |
| wondering asks: |
| hi, i'm 18 and im a girl. i've always assumed i was straight and i guess when i thought about sex i imagined it with guys, but i've never actually had a romantic relationship. i have a really close friend (a girl) who identifies as queer and i'm wondering if i might be in love with her. i really admire her so maybe its just a "girl crush"? i don't really feel sexually attracted to her, its more emotional, but i like to be with her all the time and it makes me really happy to think about possibly being in a relationship with her, i just feel like i'd like to be with her forever. is this a girl crush or just close friendship (since i don't have sexual feelings, though i like to hug and kiss her) or is it more? |
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| axedmoon says: |
The female sexuality is a difficult thing to address sometimes. Unlike males, I think the tendency for a female to be extremely attached and in admiration with another is much higher, and much more confusing.
The problem is that sexuality is just that - sexual. if you cannot imagine having sexual relations with her there might be reasons such as you're not accustomed to the idea of it. You do confess to liking kissing and hugging her, but is it with passion? What would that make you feel or how has that made you feel?
If you can feel like you can be in a relationship with her, that is something worth noting. However, you need to reevaluate how that could change your friendship. It could be more, and it could not be. But the danger is always how much more do you feel that it is okay to take a risk?
I've probably given you more questions than answer, but sometimes that's all I can do. I can only guide you with the certain questions to gauge your own feelings and direction.
Hope this helps, and good luck,
bean |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
September 20, 2009 |
| Jake_478 asks: |
| Hey, I am a 14 yr. old that is not really sure about my sexuality. This is not something I can bring up with any of my friends. For about 5 months now I have been confused about it.. I mostly have friends that are girls and not alto of guy friends. I guess I feel more comfortable with girls because I live with my mom and I see my dad every other weekend. In about June I realized that I have more "girl friends." I am not sure if I am straight, gay or bi. I have fantasies about other guys in my school. I have had real girlfriends before. But the only one I really loved pretty much dumped me for a Gothic looking guy. I was heart broken for about 3 months. I felt as if I couldn't let her go. I have only been asked if I was gay by some jerks in my history class last year. Everyday I find myself jacking off to gay porn.
I see a guy in school and wish I could cuddle with him or kiss him. But I really don't think the same with girls. At this point I do think I am gay. But I am not for sure.
I have no worries with telling my mom. She supports gays and she won't flip. I am not sure with my dad. I know he wont flip out but he might be ashamed to tell his side of the family that his one and only son is gay. In your thought,just by what I said, do you think I am gay? Or a hormone thing? |
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| bretth4 says: |
| I can't tell you whether or not you are gay, but the fact that you're even asking this question seems to show that you already know the answer. You're attracted to men, that much is clear, whether or not you will be forever is irrelevant. If you like men, then go after men. Try to ask someone out, or fool around with another boy. Only by exploring your feelings will you ever really know where they lead. |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
September 20, 2009 |
| so yea.... asks: |
| ok so im talking to this girl (lets call her betty) and i really like her and she says she likes me too. She just broke up with her ex girlfriend about 3 months ago but she still has feelings for betty. She is the very jealous type so she doesn't like me because betty likes me.she is convincing all her friends that i stole betty away from her and is threatening me.betty told me that they stopped talking but just recently i saw them together but she stressed that it was nothing but people tell me other wise. i believe that betty still has feelings for her ex and they still talk. So I ask myself if I should believe her and is it really worth me having problems with her ex because me and betty want to be together? and i cant talk to her as just friends because i have feelings for her. Should i just cut off all ties with her or should i believe her and take the risk? (sorry if its confusing) |
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| axedmoon says: |
If you're asking me then, Betty is giving you enough reason to doubt if it's worth the risk. I say if you like her, give her a chance to prove herself. Whether you just date and not be in a relationship until you can trust her or just hang out without the pretense of "dating."
With time, I think it should be obvious if she wants to be with you or if she's just rebounding and wants to end up with her ex.
Good luck, and take care,
bean |
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| Topic: |
Coming Out |
| Date: |
September 19, 2009 |
| msghram asks: |
| Imma A Freshman In High School. I Have A Off Again On Again Girlfriend And A Boyfriend. I Have Two Friends Who Know That I Used To Be Bisexual But Do Not Know That I Still Am. My Boyfriend Knows And So Does My Best Frriend. I Want To Tell My Other Friends But I Am Scarred That They Will Think I like Them Or Something. One Of The People I Wanna Tell Doesnt Think I Am Anymore But Wen Something Comes Up About My Ex-Girlfriend She Always Makes Fun Of Me. What Do I Do? |
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| axedmoon says: |
You should have a talk with your friend that makes fun of you. You need to reestablish what had happened, and make sure there is a clear understanding on her behalf. If she doesn't understand, at least you tried.
Don't feel like you have to tell everyone in the world. Think of it from this saying..
"Those that matter won't care, and those that care won't matter." - Dr. Seuss (haha childish I know) |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
September 16, 2009 |
| katy90 asks: |
| I've realized that I'm attracted to girls since I was about 15, and I finally accepted it when I was 16. So I've always considered myself bisexual. I'm just wondering, I think I might be a lesbian. I could definately see my self dating a girl, and I could totally have sex with one. I don't feel that strongly about guys. I mean, they're hot, but that's it. If I were to see a naked man(even if he was really hot) I'd probably feel extremely grossed out. Nudity in men doesn't turn me on. The one time I had sex with a guy(and lasted like one minute), I couldn't bring myself to look at his private parts. They just disgusted me. I've never had sex with a woman. It just hasn't happened yet, but the female body is so beautiful to me. It doesn't disgust me like a guy's does at all. I'm 18 now. I'm not really "worried" about my sexuality. I just really want some input on this. Anything at all. Ways I can just find out for sure. I feel like I'm 15 all over again, and coming onto SCN for the first time, but I just needed to ask someone for advice. |
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| rickweber says: |
| It sounds like you already have an idea of what you prefer, women. You can see yourself being with a women on a sexual, emotional level and being in an intimate relationship with one. You're attraction to women sounds like an area worth exploring. Perhaps in doing so, you'll have a better idea of what feels right to you. |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
September 13, 2009 |
| raee__x asks: |
| Well my ex girlfriend and I dated for a month and while I was away she kissed another girl at a party when she was drunk but then she broke up with me and still wanted to stay friends which is fine. so it's now a month later and I still really like her. After everything she's put me through, I still love her. I've never been so sure about anything in my entire life. I don't want to put my feelings out there and tell her and ruin our new "friendship" if she doesn't like me. This is such a tough spot to be in lol I just need some advice on what to do about this.
help? |
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| rickweber says: |
It may be a sure thing that you love her, but that doesn't mean that she will love you back or that a relationship with her will be a "sure thing." If you exclusively date someone for a month and they kiss someone else, then they break off the relationship, that doesn't give the appearance of someone who is really into you.
In telling her how you feel, you risk not having those feelings returned. If your goal is to simply put it out there and you think telling her how you feel would "ruin" a friendship, I'm not sure the friendship was that stable to begin with. If it were me, I'd move on. |
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