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Read Gay/les/bi Advice
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| Topic: |
Coming Out |
| Date: |
November 15, 2009 |
| shadow_chaser asks: |
| ive been gay since i was 11 but i just came out to a few people. i want to tell my parents but they are extremely homophobic. how should i tell them? |
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| rickweber says: |
First, I think you should spend some time thinking about the pros and cons of coming out to them. We risk a lot by coming out: relationships, financial support, shelter, being forced into therapy, etc. You know your parents better than I do, so you likely have a better idea of what you risk by coming out to them.
Second, come out to them when you want to and in the way you want to. However it is wise to prepare yourself for possible immediate and long term consequences. It would also be wise to educate yourself a bit. Often when we come out, we have to play the role of educator too. Many people don't understand what it means to be LGBT or what issues we face. Friends and family may want to help, but may not know how they can support you or be an ally to the LGBT community.
In short, assess your risks/benefits, pick a timely opportunity, and educate yourself.
Here is a link to a great read for anybody who is considering coming out to their parents.
http://www.qrd.org/qrd/youth/read.this.before.coming.out.to.your.parents
I would also encourage you to check out some of our Coming Out resources.
http://forums.student.com/viewtopic.php?t=317314 |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
November 05, 2009 |
| dillbaby1 asks: |
| I work with a guy who is a couple of years older than me and we got along great in the beginning but as time went on it started as resentment to impress the boss but deep down I really like this guy. He is sweet and loves helping people but the problem is I was afraid so I started to convince myself and everyone else that I hated him and blamed the job. I have said some things I am so SO sorry I said about him. I was just so scared so I tried to make myself hate him but now I am starting to realize what I am doing is wrong. I don't know what to do. We don't talk anymore and I want to get along and say I'm sorry. He is also straight and no one knows about me. I have all of these mixed emotions and don't know what to do. |
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| axedmoon says: |
Since you know he is straight, we will have to eliminate the possibility of romance. So that is number one thing, don't allow yourself to foster hope for something we know cannot happen.
Secondly, you should probably apologize to him. Just be honest about it. Go up to him, and start off, "I'm sorry we don't talk anymore. I hope you forgive me for anything I might have done or said that offended you. How have you been?" Something like that.
Third, forgive yourself. What has been done is done. You cannot change the past, and the only thing you can do is mend it. Accept that limitation. It's okay. We all mess up. It's part of being human, and the even more beautiful part is mercy. So you need to give yourself breathing room to grow and learn from these things.
Take care, and good luck,
bean |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
November 03, 2009 |
| I need some help plz asks: |
| So I am a junior (age 16) and I have PE class with the seventh graders... There is one (13 years old) that i have a crush on.. And I don't want to have a crush on someone three years younger than me... It's weird for me to like him because it seems like it's illegal.. Please give advice on how to stop liking this "kid" |
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| axedmoon says: |
Distance. Sometimes it's the ugliest, but most necessary thing. You just have to distance yourself, and focus on other things. Start picking out flaws or something and focus on that.
There is no one way (or easy) to do this. Good luck! |
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| Topic: |
Self |
| Date: |
November 02, 2009 |
| TokioBoii asks: |
| Ok...something really strange has been happening to me these past few days.....errrrr..i have suddenly been having this desire to makeout with a guy!!!.....The worst part is...i'm a guy myself and I've never ever felt anything for a boy, but now even at school i'm starting to look at them differently....especially in P.E. I' freaking out coz i don't know what's wrong with me.....the thing is i still look at girls and get aroused by them....but also boys now.....god can someone please explain what is going on.....am i turning gay or bi or is this just a fase??? |
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| axedmoon says: |
No one really turns gay. I think you just start to realize it over time. If you find yourself increasingly attracted to the idea of kissing or being with a guy, it is very likely that you are bisexual.
Bisexual is a broad term. You can still both genders, but not necessarily at the same degree.
Don't worry. Just sort out your feelings. Ask yourself, "Can I see myself with a guy? Does the thought of two men seem arousing or sexy to me? Is it just physical or is there something more I have yet to experience?"
Sorry I won't be able to give you a concrete answer for those questions, but I hope this will set you on a clearer path.
Good luck,
bean |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
October 30, 2009 |
| Brolis asks: |
| ok i have a bf and he is 16 and im 17 and we are dating we are both bi and he got mad cuz i didn't want to have sex with him. then he told me what would you say if you wanted to hang out and i told you no cuz i wasn't bi anymore just str8? |
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| axedmoon says: |
No one should ever accuse you of anything just because you won't have sex with them. I repeat. You are not straight just because you don't sleep with him or anyone else.
Just because someone is a virgin doesn't mean they don't know whether or not they are attracted to someone. That logic is completely wrong.
You should probably reconsider dating someone that seems to be pressuring you to sleep with them. That's not healthy for you! I'm very serious, and I hope you take care.
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
October 28, 2009 |
| jtrainjr asks: |
| im a 13 yr old and i am gay. my friend is straight but i want to ask him out. how do i do this without freaking him out? |
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| axedmoon says: |
| If your friend is straight, you probably shouldn't ask him out. Try to keep the friendship, and perhaps refer to "Coming out" threads? |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
October 24, 2009 |
| BB asks: |
| I could use some help. My parents know of my sexuality and are okay with it but they are really paranoid of dating sites and the like. I used to use Gay.com but they found out and made me stop. I got on there recently and found a guy from my town thats my age. I would like to start to talk to him and maybe make a new friend or boyfriend but my parents are too paranoid to let me use a site like that. I could also go to the LGBT youth center in my state but its really far away. What should I do? |
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| bretth4 says: |
How old are you? Because I think depending on your age my answer to this question will be a lot different. If you're eighteen or younger you should be incredibly careful on these kinds of sites and only agree to meet people in a very public place. If youre older than 18 then youre probably not as much of a target for creepy older men and you should be a lot safer.
How did your parents find out you were using that site? Do you tell them everything? I think its healthy to keep some secrets from our parents. If you want to go out with this guy then do it, don't let your parents' fear of technology stop you from meeting someone you think you have a connection with. |
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| Topic: |
Coming Out |
| Date: |
October 20, 2009 |
| need a girl asks: |
| help! i "think" im lesbian i always felt i was.i only dated guys except a relationship online that flopped due to some drama i will leave out.but anyway ive been looking for a girl but i live in a very small town that does not welcome gays at all! and i cant find a good "free" site or anything to help me meet girls like me.i thought this site would help me find friends but i still have non ={ will you help me?please! |
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| axedmoon says: |
We actually have a forum topic on this, and it's quite informational, and has a list of networking sites for local gays, lesbians, etc.
http://forums.student.com/viewtopic.php?t=315465
Check under Additional Resources for networking sites, and hey.. participate more in the forum! It's easier to make friends that way if you're an active forum member on SCN. We're pretty fantastic.. and gay. =) |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
October 19, 2009 |
| hopeless & confused asks: |
| There's this girl that I've been crushing on for a few years. We're both freshmen in high school, and the last two years of middle school we were on-again-off-again friends. Her father is a pastor to one of the local churches, and so she's really religious. In 7th grade, she told me flat out I'd burn in Hell for being bi. Then the next year, she accepted me completeley, but not her lesbian cuz. She's a voleyball player, and I'm a brainy goth. We're complete opisites. But we do hang out from time to time. When i helped out with track (she does that, too), she'd always ask me to help her with her clothing. i was out by then. She and her friends aren''t usually the kind to speak to me.
When i kept catching her staring at me. So, i decided to take a chance and ask her to homecoming. She said no. But now she's always talking to me and touching my hands and arms (she's not a touchy kind of person) and playing with my hair and making eye contact (i'm concidered a scary kid. most people don't look into my eyes). Should I try asking her when her friends aren't around if she's interested? Am I reading the signs wrong?
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| axedmoon says: |
It's really hard to determine if a girl is into you. There are girls that are very comfortable with their sexuality, and things they do while may be viewed "intimate" may have entirely innocent motivations.
Ask her why doesn't she accept her lesbian cousin? Gauge her reaction towards the subject, and start a discussion. Feel out how she stands on it.
If you're going to ask her to homecoming though.. regardless of the scenario, she'll probably say no. It's far too public. However, did she give you reasons why she couldn't or wouldn't go with you?
I can't give you concrete advice because I am not personally involved. There are girls that have acted extremely out of the ordinary or go out of their way to do things for me. For sure I would think they are into me, but they weren't. Girls are just that way.
So.. you could be reading the signs too much, but maybe you're not. You can only let time go on. Maybe flirt with her a bit as you grow closer and see how it goes?
Good luck,
bean |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
October 19, 2009 |
| Lost and confused... asks: |
| Hey! I am a freshman at college, and I really would love some help. My parents are having me over for winter vacation ( which is a ways away, but still ), and I'm debating on asking my partner to come with me. The issue is, simply put- I am white and he is of color. whih is big no-no in a conservative family such as mine. We JUSt started going out, and I'm not sure what to do.
Also, I'm wondering about adoption- having a kid would be incredible, but I think we're both too young. how should I bring this up to him in the future?
Thank you so much
|
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| rickweber says: |
I won't tell you what to do, but if it were me, I wouldn't ask him to come. If I had just started going out with someone, I would be concerned that it may be a little soon to bring family into a relationship (conservative or not). If I felt like bringing him would cause problems, I wouldn't want to invite that kind of stress into a new relationship.
In short, I would give that relationship more time, and if it becomes serious then I think it would be good to tell them that you have a partner, and tell them a little bit about your partner before bringing him along. Don't just show up at their door with someone they don't know and somebody who they didn't invite.
To address the second question, there's no "right" way to talk about it. As you get to know each other, bring it up and see if your and his feelings on becoming a parent, parenting styles, adoption, etc match up. If it ends up becoming a possibility for you, I would suggest researching the adoption laws in your state. Get to know your options. |
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