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Read Gay/les/bi Advice
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| Topic: |
Coming Out |
| Date: |
February 26, 2012 |
| swissy16 asks: |
| What are the first few ways to know if you are gay/les/bi? |
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| axedmoon says: |
I think the first few ways is to really evaluate how you feel. How do I feel towards the same-sex? The opposite sex? Is this attraction purely physical? Could I see myself in a relationship with them?
These first initial steps are vital to figure who you are and how you feel. No one can judge that for you. :) Then, you move on from there.. please check out our resources on our forum! |
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| Topic: |
Friends |
| Date: |
February 13, 2012 |
| les asks: |
| i dont know what to do, i know that i am a les. and i love my bestfriend i guess that there is nothing you can help me with, but how should i handle this(she is straight) |
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| axedmoon says: |
Sadly, this is a problem that happens often. When we're so close to someone, regardless of their orientation (guys fall for their girl friends all the time or vice versa), we tend to have this deep attachment and admiration for our good friends. Sometimes it becomes romantic.
I know there is not much I can do, but I can tell you that it gets better. I can tell you that you just have to fight through these feelings (sometimes you have to create a little space which is hard).
Some people find that confessing about it makes them feel better and that their friend can be supportive and help create neutral emotional space between you, but sometimes people prefer to just get through it alone. It's definitely your discretion.
Good luck. Hang in there. Move on, but know that even though it hurts - it can get better, okay? :) |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
August 12, 2011 |
| Wicked_2014 asks: |
| how can i meet gay teens in my area? (cincinnati) |
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| axedmoon says: |
http://forums.student.com/viewtopic.php?t=317314
Check out the Social Resources at the bottom! =) |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
July 27, 2011 |
| emo_princess3 asks: |
| i am a 17 year old female going to be 18 in a few months. a few months ago i sent in a question and it never got answered not only will i ask again in different words but i would also like to know why it wasn't answered please. okay here it goes.......i have a boyfriend and i really love him but sometimes i look at a girl and think damn she is hot and ill steal glances at her and even watch her walk. i judge girls with my bf and he thinks i am just joking around with him. me and my best friend have kissed twice the first time we was with our boyfriends and was faking it and leaned in too close it was kinda weird. the second time we was laying in her bed and she leaned down and kissed me. after that we spent almost every weekend together. that summer we started taking bubble baths together when we would get upset with swim suits on after our bath we would shower and when she washed my hair i liked it and started thinking of us together. now me and her have dwifted apart but it isnt the first time i have been atracted to a woman. i am curently attracted to one of my bf's friends and i just wanna know am i bi? and i would actually like to experiment to make sure but i dont know how to go about doing it. im kinda shy. ive never thought of having sex with a female and wouldnt really know how. i just want to know what is going on and what i should do about it. please answer quickly ive been dealing with this for 2 years and im tired of waiting around for answers please plase hurry. thanks. |
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| rickweber says: |
It sounds like you're attracted to women and men. You confirm this for yourself. I think its worthwhile for you to explore your attraction to women. Keep in mind that exploration can be more than sexual; getting to know other women who feel similarly could help you too.
What should you do about it? I feel like that depends on what you want. What do you want to get out of this exploration? If the goal is to have sex with other women, then getting to know other women, dating or hooking up, and having sexual encounters seems like the path. |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
June 21, 2011 |
| foreverconfused asks: |
| Hey advisor(s), I'm in need for serious advice, I'm open and willing to hear, technically read anything. So I'm about to be a Sophmore in High School, and well during my Freshman year I have met an amazing girl. I liked/like her a lot.(forgot to mention I am a girl). So when we first met I didn't think much of her, just thought she was really shy as we got to know eachother i found out she was the total opposite. We both are in the same group, clique, what ever you want to call it. So we talk a whole lot. So, anyways I got to know a whole lot about this girl, shes smart, clumsy, flawless...perfect, and she is also extremely funny(humor is a way to my heart :)). I've had a lot of friends who could fit that description but I never saw them more than just a friend. She just made everything different, I guess you can say complicated. I use to think she liked me...more than a friend, because of the way she looked at me, she use to stare at me all the time when she thought i wasn't looking, and she always seemed to find a excuse to touch me. I'm not sure if it was just friendly gestures or something more. I don't know, am I delusional only seeing what I want to see, or could there be something there between us, that is more than friendship?? OH another problem she doesn't know I'm bi, i know big mistake, should of told her. And I don't know about her. She gives off vibes or is just faulty gaydar??? Sorry I wrote so much, and I apologize in advance for any grammar mistakes, typed this pretty fast. I just need something, anything, help me please!! |
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| axedmoon says: |
Hey there, I think the answer is pretty simple. I think you should come out to her and see how she reacts and move from there.
Word of warning - it is very difficult to transition from friendship to a relationship or even expect anything. Keep an open mind that she might be straight. It's hard to judge with girls (and obviously hard for me to judge from just a brief description without having really interacted with her) as they are more personal with friendships than guys are.
So just come out. See what she thinks. Maybe she'll come out too if she isn't straight, but don't be disappointed if she is. At least, you can hope to gain a good friend to support you?
Take care, and good luck. |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
June 16, 2011 |
| ConfusedGirl asks: |
| I KNOW I like guys. Iv'e made out with them and all that.. But lately, There's this feeling. When I get around some girls. It's.. different. like a tingly feeling.. My Bestfriend, she's gorgeous. Iv'e acttually imagined, kissing her. I was making out with this one boy the otherday, and pictured her in my head. It was horrible. I mean. Idk. I dont know who to talk to about it. I can't tell her, we talked about being curious once, but that was when I thought I was straight for sure. I feel horrible. I can see myself in a relationship with guys, not girls. But to me, Girls bodies are just as appealing as guy's. I'm Really confused. And just.. need some advice. |
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| axedmoon says: |
Well, you could be bisexual - capable of being attracted to both male and female. Think about it though. Can you not see yourself in a relationship with a girl simply because it feels alien? Or is it because you do not think a girl is capable of the same emotional and physical support as a guy? For a long time (and I still struggle), I couldn't imagine marrying a girl. I clearly have physical and emotional interest, but why couldn't I imagine? It's just not something we're ingrained with. We're surrounded by the mental image of a guy and a girl together. This is social context. It's hard to tell the difference of what "feels" natural and what just "seems" natural.
Good luck, and just take it a step at a time. See if you can imagine other girls instead of your friend (whom besides being gorgeous, you also could be connected to simply because you're so close). |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
June 16, 2011 |
| AsphaltMisery asks: |
| I was wondering if you could help me. I've always liked guys,but there are some girls i end up being attracted to also.(im a girl,ive had boyfriends,and girlfriends before) I dont know if im Bisexual or not,because ive dated a girl,and a guy before,but i dont like All girls,and sometimes thinking about it makes me feel wierd,but other times i feel better with a girl than a guy (emotionally). im just confused,and trying to figure it out. whats your opinion. |
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| rickweber says: |
| It sounds like you have more figured out than you think you do- you acknowledge that you like guys and girls. Rather than spending a lot of time thinking about whether a label fits, spend your time exploring your attractions and see what feels right to you. |
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| Topic: |
Self |
| Date: |
May 30, 2011 |
| the4Runner asks: |
| I'm a 20yo male, still on the fence about my sexuality and probably forever will be. I've had physical feelings towards other males since middle school but have yet to fully confront any of these feelings. Never had a girlfriend/boyfriend because I don't know which I prefer. Im more attracted to males, but not sure if I can establish the emotional connection or simply feel comfortable knowing I like males.
Last night, I had sex for the first time...ever. In fact, It was the second time I've ever kissed anyone. And it happened to be with a male. Problem is-it felt like work and found it hard to stay aroused. Hell I was more aroused just when we made out. As soon as I "came" I felt like leaving there and not thinking about it and not talking to him again.
So now I've done some true experimenting; what do I make of this? Is it because I wasn't in a relationship with the guy and hence don't "love" him, or it is a psychological thing where I envy other males because of a self esteem issue that makes me feel a semi false physical attraction? Is it time now to search for a female and see how things turn out? |
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| axedmoon says: |
I'm very glad you are taking these issues analytically and maturely. I think it is important to acknowledge that we still live in a society that does not generally accept homosexual relationships. I still feel a little weird about the idea of possibly marrying someone my own gender. Why is this? We're simply not used to it. Our media is saturated with heterosexual relationships and that's all we know so anything else just feels foreign.
Secondly, it seems that you're aroused by the kiss - the intimacy. Maybe you can't stay aroused because you do require some connection with the person. Maybe you do need to date a female to see how things go.
Don't feel pressured to figure out where you fall on the scale of sexuality. Just focus on what you think feels right (that sounds cheesy). Sure you can't imagine being in a relationship with that guy, but you weren't "in love" or anything - but that kiss - that kiss felt like something, yes? It takes a small step at at time to see where we feel and fall along the lines.
Good luck with your search, and sorry for the slow response. |
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| Topic: |
Coming Out |
| Date: |
May 21, 2011 |
| hello000 asks: |
| Hi, I need some advice on coming out...
I know im gay but not sure whether to come out. I also need to come to terms with my sexuality. Any advice? |
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| axedmoon says: |
It highly depends on your age and independence. Despite our social advances (gay marriage in some states and such), we're still quite behind on the general social acceptance.
I think you should first come to terms of your sexuality. This means being comfortable with your skin. I know this sounds stupid, but by yourself, just say out loud "I'm gay." Does this feel weird to say? It should because I know it feels weird for me. If I am any correct, this might solicit an emotional response for yourself. Remember - you have to accept yourself before anyone can accept you. Please refer to the resources that the GLBTQ sections in this site.
The next step would be coming out to your close friends. I know it's tough, but that's definitely the next step - your emotional support base. |
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| Topic: |
Friends |
| Date: |
April 17, 2011 |
| jacobh asks: |
| So I'm 17 and I think I'm gay. This guy, also my age, who I LOVE has been doing kind've gay things toward others lately, especially myself. He doesn't know I'm gay, and we're both kind've masculine..into sports, video games,etc. He'll do things like slap my ass at swim practice. He'll even do this in front of and to others. He often jokes about us having gay sex. He says things to me like, "I want to fuck you so hard," and, "I want your cock in my mouth!" He's tried to show me his dick a few times. He's even leaned his head on my shoulder once in the car. Earlier today, in the locker room, he asked me if I'd rather fuck him than this particular girl and was like, "Yeah you'd fuck me!" I know there are a lot of immature straight guys that pretend to be gay for each other, but is he going too far to still be straight?
At the beach, we would wrestle on the bed, etc. We showered together outside wearing only our underwear. I didn't notice if he got hard there...I hope this doesn't label him as straight, rather he was just going through the same thing I was. He sometimes tells me he loves me. But he also calls me gay. He sometimes says that he's gay--repeats it as if waiting for a (serious) response from me, or just to "laugh it off?" He has asked me to rub this lotion all over his back a few times when we were alone in the locker room too. Although he does some of this stuff to me in front of others, he also does a lot when we're alone.
He's had only one girlfriend before, but there's this other girl he seems really into right now. Other people are always saying how much they like each other (they're not going out as of now). He talks about fucking girls like a straight guy would--he even knows the name of a few porn stars!
Is he gay? Bicurious? Does he like me? Would he at least experiment with me? What should I do to get the ball rolling??? |
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| rickweber says: |
The questions you're asking seem like the kind you want to ask him, not me. The next time you have some one-on-one time with him, you could ask him how he identifies. Keep in mind that the answer may not be the one you wish to hear.
If he is a close friend and someone you trust, coming out to him may provide a way to strengthen your friendship and talk about sexuality as well. Only come out if you feel ready to do so. It's also completely fair to ask that he not share that info with anybody else. |
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