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Read Gay/les/bi Advice
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
October 28, 2009 |
| jtrainjr asks: |
| im a 13 yr old and i am gay. my friend is straight but i want to ask him out. how do i do this without freaking him out? |
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| axedmoon says: |
| If your friend is straight, you probably shouldn't ask him out. Try to keep the friendship, and perhaps refer to "Coming out" threads? |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
October 24, 2009 |
| BB asks: |
| I could use some help. My parents know of my sexuality and are okay with it but they are really paranoid of dating sites and the like. I used to use Gay.com but they found out and made me stop. I got on there recently and found a guy from my town thats my age. I would like to start to talk to him and maybe make a new friend or boyfriend but my parents are too paranoid to let me use a site like that. I could also go to the LGBT youth center in my state but its really far away. What should I do? |
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| bretth4 says: |
How old are you? Because I think depending on your age my answer to this question will be a lot different. If you're eighteen or younger you should be incredibly careful on these kinds of sites and only agree to meet people in a very public place. If youre older than 18 then youre probably not as much of a target for creepy older men and you should be a lot safer.
How did your parents find out you were using that site? Do you tell them everything? I think its healthy to keep some secrets from our parents. If you want to go out with this guy then do it, don't let your parents' fear of technology stop you from meeting someone you think you have a connection with. |
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| Topic: |
Coming Out |
| Date: |
October 20, 2009 |
| need a girl asks: |
| help! i "think" im lesbian i always felt i was.i only dated guys except a relationship online that flopped due to some drama i will leave out.but anyway ive been looking for a girl but i live in a very small town that does not welcome gays at all! and i cant find a good "free" site or anything to help me meet girls like me.i thought this site would help me find friends but i still have non ={ will you help me?please! |
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| axedmoon says: |
We actually have a forum topic on this, and it's quite informational, and has a list of networking sites for local gays, lesbians, etc.
http://forums.student.com/viewtopic.php?t=315465
Check under Additional Resources for networking sites, and hey.. participate more in the forum! It's easier to make friends that way if you're an active forum member on SCN. We're pretty fantastic.. and gay. =) |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
October 19, 2009 |
| hopeless & confused asks: |
| There's this girl that I've been crushing on for a few years. We're both freshmen in high school, and the last two years of middle school we were on-again-off-again friends. Her father is a pastor to one of the local churches, and so she's really religious. In 7th grade, she told me flat out I'd burn in Hell for being bi. Then the next year, she accepted me completeley, but not her lesbian cuz. She's a voleyball player, and I'm a brainy goth. We're complete opisites. But we do hang out from time to time. When i helped out with track (she does that, too), she'd always ask me to help her with her clothing. i was out by then. She and her friends aren''t usually the kind to speak to me.
When i kept catching her staring at me. So, i decided to take a chance and ask her to homecoming. She said no. But now she's always talking to me and touching my hands and arms (she's not a touchy kind of person) and playing with my hair and making eye contact (i'm concidered a scary kid. most people don't look into my eyes). Should I try asking her when her friends aren't around if she's interested? Am I reading the signs wrong?
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| axedmoon says: |
It's really hard to determine if a girl is into you. There are girls that are very comfortable with their sexuality, and things they do while may be viewed "intimate" may have entirely innocent motivations.
Ask her why doesn't she accept her lesbian cousin? Gauge her reaction towards the subject, and start a discussion. Feel out how she stands on it.
If you're going to ask her to homecoming though.. regardless of the scenario, she'll probably say no. It's far too public. However, did she give you reasons why she couldn't or wouldn't go with you?
I can't give you concrete advice because I am not personally involved. There are girls that have acted extremely out of the ordinary or go out of their way to do things for me. For sure I would think they are into me, but they weren't. Girls are just that way.
So.. you could be reading the signs too much, but maybe you're not. You can only let time go on. Maybe flirt with her a bit as you grow closer and see how it goes?
Good luck,
bean |
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| Topic: |
Self |
| Date: |
October 13, 2009 |
| everydayistorture asks: |
| I'm not sure about life anymore. Like I've come out to some of my close friends about me being bi, and they're cool with it, but there's this one. I told him I was bi first, and we pretty much fooled around together (handjobs, blowjobs, held hands) but then I really started to develop feelings for him and he rejected me...at first...then he wasn't sure...then he rejected me again, and it went back in forth until I stopped liking him. After school let out, I called him a lot on the phone because I liked talking to him and he was the only one who knew I was bi at the time. He would tease me and say things like "I wish I could make you feel better," or "I wonder what it would be like if we were more married." Then one day I tried talking to him and he just cussed me out and told me we were no longer friends. I asked my other friends about it and they said he told them that he thought I was creepy, stalkerish, and gay... And now I see him everyday at school because we have a class together and he just ignores me. I want to talk to him but I'm scared that he's just going to continue to ignore me, and it hurts that my friends talk to him knowing what he did to me...what should I do? |
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| bretth4 says: |
| The boy clearly has issues. He clearly is uncomfortable with his own sexual/romantic feelings and because of that feels the need to lash out at you to validate his masculinity. Forget about him, he doesn't deserve you. Move on, and be happy without him. |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
September 28, 2009 |
| Confused and Hurt asks: |
| Me and my girlfriend have be having issues lately about her not knowing if she thinks what she is is wrong. She's told me she loves me, but then she'll take it back and say she only thinks of me as just a friend. It hurts, and I've tried to break it off, so she could think about what she wanted, but then she'll come back saying she's sorry. She wants me. She loves me. This past week has been hard. A couple of my close friend found out about us, and she didn't want them to know. She doens't think being called a "lesiban" is right, even though she'll make out with me and she called me her girlfriend. So, tonight, I told her that we should just be friends for a while, so we could both gather our thoughts and then, if we both still wanted to be with eachother we'll take it slow to go back into it. The thing is, she's my best friend, and I have such a good relationship with her, besides romantic, and I don't want to lose it. Do you think I made the right decision? Do you have any idea as to why she keeps saying she's straight, but keeps saying she wants to kiss me and be my girlfriend? |
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| axedmoon says: |
Think to yourself. Wouldn't you want an honest, more open relationship? She doesn't seem to be ready for that, and that can only hurt you if you continue that path.
Sometimes you need time. Sometimes you need distance, but I definitely agree with your decision. It's hard to salvage friendship, but the effort and intention is better than none at all.
I think she's unable to deal with being in an open lesbian relationship. Maybe she's having trouble confronting her sexuality. Maybe she's just not ready for a real relationship. Either way, she cannot (nor can you let her) frustrate you with this unclear status.
I think it's great you are taking the necessary steps to make the situation better.
Good luck,
bean |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
September 26, 2009 |
| wondering asks: |
| hi, i'm 18 and im a girl. i've always assumed i was straight and i guess when i thought about sex i imagined it with guys, but i've never actually had a romantic relationship. i have a really close friend (a girl) who identifies as queer and i'm wondering if i might be in love with her. i really admire her so maybe its just a "girl crush"? i don't really feel sexually attracted to her, its more emotional, but i like to be with her all the time and it makes me really happy to think about possibly being in a relationship with her, i just feel like i'd like to be with her forever. is this a girl crush or just close friendship (since i don't have sexual feelings, though i like to hug and kiss her) or is it more? |
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| axedmoon says: |
The female sexuality is a difficult thing to address sometimes. Unlike males, I think the tendency for a female to be extremely attached and in admiration with another is much higher, and much more confusing.
The problem is that sexuality is just that - sexual. if you cannot imagine having sexual relations with her there might be reasons such as you're not accustomed to the idea of it. You do confess to liking kissing and hugging her, but is it with passion? What would that make you feel or how has that made you feel?
If you can feel like you can be in a relationship with her, that is something worth noting. However, you need to reevaluate how that could change your friendship. It could be more, and it could not be. But the danger is always how much more do you feel that it is okay to take a risk?
I've probably given you more questions than answer, but sometimes that's all I can do. I can only guide you with the certain questions to gauge your own feelings and direction.
Hope this helps, and good luck,
bean |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
September 20, 2009 |
| Jake_478 asks: |
| Hey, I am a 14 yr. old that is not really sure about my sexuality. This is not something I can bring up with any of my friends. For about 5 months now I have been confused about it.. I mostly have friends that are girls and not alto of guy friends. I guess I feel more comfortable with girls because I live with my mom and I see my dad every other weekend. In about June I realized that I have more "girl friends." I am not sure if I am straight, gay or bi. I have fantasies about other guys in my school. I have had real girlfriends before. But the only one I really loved pretty much dumped me for a Gothic looking guy. I was heart broken for about 3 months. I felt as if I couldn't let her go. I have only been asked if I was gay by some jerks in my history class last year. Everyday I find myself jacking off to gay porn.
I see a guy in school and wish I could cuddle with him or kiss him. But I really don't think the same with girls. At this point I do think I am gay. But I am not for sure.
I have no worries with telling my mom. She supports gays and she won't flip. I am not sure with my dad. I know he wont flip out but he might be ashamed to tell his side of the family that his one and only son is gay. In your thought,just by what I said, do you think I am gay? Or a hormone thing? |
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| bretth4 says: |
| I can't tell you whether or not you are gay, but the fact that you're even asking this question seems to show that you already know the answer. You're attracted to men, that much is clear, whether or not you will be forever is irrelevant. If you like men, then go after men. Try to ask someone out, or fool around with another boy. Only by exploring your feelings will you ever really know where they lead. |
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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
September 20, 2009 |
| so yea.... asks: |
| ok so im talking to this girl (lets call her betty) and i really like her and she says she likes me too. She just broke up with her ex girlfriend about 3 months ago but she still has feelings for betty. She is the very jealous type so she doesn't like me because betty likes me.she is convincing all her friends that i stole betty away from her and is threatening me.betty told me that they stopped talking but just recently i saw them together but she stressed that it was nothing but people tell me other wise. i believe that betty still has feelings for her ex and they still talk. So I ask myself if I should believe her and is it really worth me having problems with her ex because me and betty want to be together? and i cant talk to her as just friends because i have feelings for her. Should i just cut off all ties with her or should i believe her and take the risk? (sorry if its confusing) |
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| axedmoon says: |
If you're asking me then, Betty is giving you enough reason to doubt if it's worth the risk. I say if you like her, give her a chance to prove herself. Whether you just date and not be in a relationship until you can trust her or just hang out without the pretense of "dating."
With time, I think it should be obvious if she wants to be with you or if she's just rebounding and wants to end up with her ex.
Good luck, and take care,
bean |
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| Topic: |
Coming Out |
| Date: |
September 19, 2009 |
| msghram asks: |
| Imma A Freshman In High School. I Have A Off Again On Again Girlfriend And A Boyfriend. I Have Two Friends Who Know That I Used To Be Bisexual But Do Not Know That I Still Am. My Boyfriend Knows And So Does My Best Frriend. I Want To Tell My Other Friends But I Am Scarred That They Will Think I like Them Or Something. One Of The People I Wanna Tell Doesnt Think I Am Anymore But Wen Something Comes Up About My Ex-Girlfriend She Always Makes Fun Of Me. What Do I Do? |
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| axedmoon says: |
You should have a talk with your friend that makes fun of you. You need to reestablish what had happened, and make sure there is a clear understanding on her behalf. If she doesn't understand, at least you tried.
Don't feel like you have to tell everyone in the world. Think of it from this saying..
"Those that matter won't care, and those that care won't matter." - Dr. Seuss (haha childish I know) |
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