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| Topic: |
Dating |
| Date: |
February 01, 2010 |
| perfectlyflawed6977 asks: |
| i've always known that i was different. when i was 6 my first little kid "boyfriend" was well, a "girlfriend". and i always saw it as normal.
i only had the one girlfriend until high schooland i dated boys to be normal. or what everyone saw to be normal. i came out as bisexual my junior year, and i lost some friends, but gained new ones.
so ive been thru the coming out to friends and dating girls and being well, just happy and carefree, but i never told my family.
now i am 20 years old, and ive been dating the same guy for two years. we live together, and its not that im not attracted to him. and i love him with all of my heart, but it sometimes just doesnt feel right. i feel more comfortable around other gays and lesbians than anyone else. and i frequently think about being with women instead of him. is this wrong? is it possible that i decided that labeling myself as bisexual was the only way to be normal? is it possible that im just gay and terrified?
i love my boyfriend, and i love being with him, and i dont want to hurt him by any means, but sometimes i just feel wrong.
any advice? |
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| rickweber says: |
I think you need to explore this nagging feeling more. You say that in the past you've dated boys in the past to "be normal." Did this play into your decision to enter into this relationship? Are you trying to please your immediate family by being with him? What about the relationship doesn't "feel right?" If this relationship is incongruent with who you are and what you want, what function does it serve to stay in it? Is it not unfair to him to stay in a relationship that may not be right for you?
I can't tell you what your feelings are, I'm not sure you even know. I can tell you that your nagging feeling is worth exploring. I also think it may be helpful for you to hang out/talk with other LGBT people. You can make a profile on SCN and post in our LGBT forum. I would also consider seeking out support from trustworthy friends. You might also consider seeking support from a therapist. Sometimes talking to someone outside of your relationship & inner circle can bring clarity. |
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| Topic: |
Coming Out |
| Date: |
January 14, 2010 |
| girl555444 asks: |
| i would like to come out to my friends but they are very religious people and its against their religion to be gay. i feel so awkward around them when they are talking about how cute guys are when i dont feel the same way. what would be the right way to tell them? (if there is one)
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| rickweber says: |
There is no "right way" to come out. You come out to whom you want, when you want, and however you want to. However, I would weigh the pros and cons of coming out to these people. Unfortunately we risk a lot by coming out, including friendships. Keep in mind that it may take time for some friends to come around, and some friends never do come around. It's important to have friend who you can trust and who like you just the way you are. There are plenty of opportunities to have friendships with people who will.
Here is a link to our resource guide. Here you can find great coming out links that you might find helpful.
http://forums.student.com/viewtopic.php?t=317314
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
January 14, 2010 |
| KindaConfused asks: |
| There's this guy I've been talking to for awhile. We like each other and we've both admitted it, but lately he's been distant and he's been talking to a lot to another guy. I kind of think he likes him now. I'm just confused because I don't want to be led on and then hurt. Do you think I should talk to him about it, or just leave it be. I'm afraid of confrontation a bit, and I don't wanna seem like I'm obsessing over him or something. Thanks for your help! |
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| rickweber says: |
| What is there to confront him about? You like each other, and maybe he likes this other guy too. Just continue to hang out and talk to him. Maybe you can develop a friendship with this person or perhaps take things to a different level and go out sometime. |
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| Topic: |
Sex |
| Date: |
January 12, 2010 |
| Embarrassed asks: |
| So, I'm 15. And I recently have just gotten my first boyfriend, and we really like each other. But the other day, we were fooling around, and he made a comment about my precum, and how there is so much of it. And then after, he said something about how "precum tastes terrible!" I was wondering if There is anyway to not precum as much? Because I never really thought It was that much until he said something, and I noticed that he had almost none. I just feel really bad that he would have to deal wit that. I mean, that was the first and only time either of us had fooled around so far. But I just feel that he's getting a little turned off by it. Like he barely did any sucking, because he said it was weird. And I just feel bad. Is there anyway to not precum as much? |
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| bretth4 says: |
| No there really isn't. You can try to eat citrus fruits before sex though, they normally make any discharges a lot better tasting. It's not really a problem with most guys though, in fact a lot of boys enjoy having a partner who precums. |
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| Topic: |
Coming Out |
| Date: |
December 31, 2009 |
| Quepeds asks: |
| Im a boy, im bi and i want to come out to my best friend (male)
he hates the gay "stereotypes" but is ok with bisexuals he saya he is straight but i thinl what we have is really special and because he is my bestfriend i wanna comeout to him. The things is that im on vacations and staying in Miami and he is back at my hometown so i want to tell him by msn. Do you think i should? |
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| axedmoon says: |
| This is probably late of me, but yes.. I think you should! |
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| Topic: |
School |
| Date: |
December 29, 2009 |
| trewb5 asks: |
| Are there any gay friendly schools on the east coast |
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| axedmoon says: |
| You mean colleges? Look for big liberal cities.. ? Boston, New York City, etc. :) |
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| Topic: |
Self |
| Date: |
December 27, 2009 |
| Jimmi_x_x asks: |
| Ever since i was in year 3 (about 6) i have known that i was a boy who liked girls, i wore boys and unisex clothes, i played sports and had a lot of friends, its sounds ok, except biologically im female.
i told my mum when i was about 6 that i was a boy, and asked why i didnt look like the other boys, why i was always in the girls P.E/Gym class etc, after she explained it to me i went through years of self hatred, and bottled up all my emotions, i've now just turned 17, and i've been researching transgender, and the issues related to it, but its really confused me, as it doesnt really explain how i'm meant to be feeling, or what im meant to do, i know im a boy in my heart, but the information is making me question even that, i want to look like a guy, i like going by male pronouns, and i live my life as male, but im really confused of what its meant to be like being trans or if i really am one, or completely different, i guess i just would like to know what i am.
Also my mum obviously knows how i felt as of what i told her age 6, and seeing me grow, but the rest of my family only see me as a lesbian, i want to tell them but they are so judgemental and hate me for likeing girls, that im scared of their reaction, i dont know what to do. |
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| rickweber says: |
I can't tell you if you're trans or not. I can tell you that there is no particular way of being trans. Transgender is an umbrella term that includes transsexuals, cross dressers, and other gender variant people. However, what it means to be trans is up to you.
I would suggest that you continue to explore your gender identity. Consider checking out some of the trans links in this resource guide (http://forums.student.com/viewtopic.php?t=317314). We also have some gender variant people on the LGBT forum (http://forums.student.com/viewforum.php?f=12) who may be willing to share their knowledge and experiences with you. You may also want to try going to a youth group at your local Pride center. Many groups offer a safe place for people who are still exploring their identity. Another option is to continue exploring these issues with a therapist who specializes in gender issues. You may be able to get a referral from your local Pride center.
As for telling your family, I would consider holding off on coming out as trans. It's important to feel sure of yourself when coming out. Continuing to explore your identity may allow you to feel more sure of yourself. Continuing to build your social support system may give you more confidence and support if you do decide to come out. |
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| Topic: |
School |
| Date: |
December 09, 2009 |
| firecracker22 asks: |
| Hi rick I am currently attending community college in the suburbs of chicago and was interested in transfering to the university of utah. I was just wondering if the school is gay friendly and if salt lake city has a lot to offer gay students. I had a friend who transfered their who absolutely loved it. I just wanted to get a second opinion. |
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| rickweber says: |
I currently attend the U of U and I have found it to be a progressive school. We have a great LGBTQ resource center (http://www.sa.utah.edu/lgbt/), a Women's resource center (http://www.sa.utah.edu/women/), our own campus pride week, a very active club (Queer Student Union), and are well connected to the LGBTQ community. Check out this link (http://www.sa.utah.edu/lgbt/resources/college.htm) on factors to consider when determining if a school is "gay friendly" or not. The link also includes more info on the U of U and what they offer to LGBTQ students. You can also check out links for "future students" on the U of U webpage to get a better idea of what the U of U offers as a whole (http://www.utah.edu/portal/site/uuhome/menuitem.2c41a2321a17f69f095eb7c8d1e916b9/?vgnextoid=811992d315bb3110VgnVCM1000001c9e619bRCRD&WT.svl=Future%20Students%20Heading).
In Salt Lake City we have an awesome Pride center (http://www.utahpridecenter.org/) with many support groups & resources. We also have an annual Pride festival (http://utahpridecenter.org/utahpride/). There are also many organizations committed to the LGBTQ community (http://www.utahpridecenter.org/index.php?option=com_sobi2&Itemid=85). We also have our share of dance clubs/bars.
Politically it is an uphill battle, however things in this state are improving. The Salt Lake City Council recently passed an anti-discrimination ordinance in regards to employment & housing. We have gay legislators in the state house & senate. We have very devoted political groups working for our interests, including Equality Utah (http://www.equalityutah.org/).
Outside downtown Salt Lake City there are some progressive places too. Nearby Park City, Utah hosts the annual Sundance Film festival. The neighborhood of Sugarhouse is also a "gay-friendly" area.
Hopefully this will give you a taste of what the U of U & Salt Lake City offers. SLC has a lot of upside, however if I were to point to a downside, I would say politically Utah & Salt Lake City has a lot of work to do. If you want more info I'd suggest submitting your questions about the U of U and the community to Queer Peers at the U of U (http://www.sa.utah.edu/lgbt/peers/index.htm) |
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| Topic: |
School |
| Date: |
December 09, 2009 |
| twimanaic1 asks: |
| see like i came out wit my biness and now the school hates me.wat should i do? |
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| axedmoon says: |
You should inform the authorities if they are bullying you. You should talk with your parents to see if there are other options for you. You should also really hold onto any good friends that you have left of the aftermath. Coming out is hard so you need to rely on any support systems that you can.
Good luck, sorry my answer is vague. I don't have many details to feed back off of your question. |
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| Topic: |
Self |
| Date: |
December 06, 2009 |
| confused asks: |
| Hi, I am a 20 yo girl.I have always been attracted to boys in that I would dream about falling in love with male movie stars, and so on. But in real life I have never met a guy I had a big crush on, but I have had four or five major crushes on girls I know. In theory I still see myself with a man, in practice I only seem to like women.What does this mean?? Thanks! |
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| rickweber says: |
| I think you may be confusing yourself with this "in theory" stuff. It sounds like you have an attraction to men and women. Just because you haven't met a guy you are really into doesn't mean you won't. Just because you can currently see yourself being with a man long term, doesn't mean you couldn't feel similarly about a woman. Give yourself a little bit of time and take the opportunities as they come. |
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