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I, like many of my friends, spent the summers at the pools checking out all the hot guys. We would pick out the hottest three and see who could get one into jumping off the highest high dive(which was like one of the high dives at those competitions). Well the summer that I was 15 the guys just stopped being the hot ones and I caught myself checking out girls. At first I denied it all; I wasn't a lesbian. I had been the first girl out of all my friends to lose my virginity(to a boy), I was the one all the boys wanted, I wasn't a lesbian. That was the worst summer of my life. At first I could ignore it. Yeah, I looked at the occasional girl, but that was it. And it wasn't until my best friend, Danny, caught me looking at a girl for a bit too long. At first Danny took it as seeing if she would be any 'competition' for potiential boyfriends. But after a while he caught on. Danny wasn't stupid. Normally I could get really 'spaced out' and would only answer yes or no questions. That's how Danny figured that I was a lesbian. Also I had a cousin, Jennifer, who is a lesbian and she knew before anyone else, I told her what I was going through and she told me to follow my heart.

This girl, Taylor, moved to our town. And she wasn't a me, but she was really hot. My friends and I invited her to eat lunch with us, she accepted. After a while Taylor and I became really close friends. I was driving home from school one day, with Danny, I got my licenses when I was 14(it was a hardship), and Danny was the only one who knew at that time. He was asking me about Taylor and if I liked her. I said yeah cause it was the truth. About three months later, Danny came up to me and told me that I should tell Taylor how I felt. And I was telling him that he was so stupid suggesting that. But he finally convinced me. And I told Taylor. We've been together for about 4, almost 5 years now...mainly off and on.

But to the coming out. Most of my close friends didn't care, because true friends can see past stuff like that. A couple of them actually refused to talk to me ever again, but that was their loss, cause now I have a lot more friends like me that I met at college. Then there came coming out to my family. That's the nightmare part of it all. My family is really, really, really religious. I have always been the black sheep when it came to religion; I was an atheist. The way I saw it is that if God can make someone the way they are and then punish them for it, it's wrong. And I also find everything about God and the Bible questionable. But back to my family.

The first person I came out to was my cousin, but I already said that. Jennifer was cool with it and she still helps me alot. I came out to most of my cousins before the adults. All of them said that they suspected and was wondering when I would come out. Because Jennifer came out before me it was easier for them to accept. Then I told me aunts and uncles. One of my uncles said to me 'Just don't get a butch hair cut.' That's what I'll remember for rest of my life. Then I told me mom. My mom and I have never been close. I wasn't girly enough for her, I would have rather played sports than paint my toenails. My mom took it better then I expected. She was a bit taken aback and didn't know how to talk to me for like a month. But after she met Taylor a lot changed. My grandmother is who worried me. Her and I hated eachother. It was an unwritten thing, no one questioned it, it was just there. And when I told her, she went nuts. All kinds of Bible verses were thrown at me. I cried that night when Taylor and I got together. She still hasn't forgotten me.

And if you haven't noticed by now I have left out everything about my father (I call him Tim so that's what I'll call him in here too). Well, Tim had gotten remarried and asked me to be a flower girl at his wedding when I was 14 after 7 years of not talking. I said yes, so that I could meet my step-mom and bro and 2 sisters. Tim and I never talked and when we did it was just fighting, him wanting to be the 'daddy' he never was. I didn't talk to him until I turned 17. The only reason then was because my half sister, Callie, had died. He called me on the telly(telephone) and Taylor had picked up. He asked me who she was and I didn't tell him. My vow to myself was that I would tell Tim I was a lesbian over a Christmas Dinner with Taylor there. Me and Tim went to the funeral, Tim had never met Callie, but me and Callie were really close. I got up and said a few things and then left.

Tim and I didn't talk until the Christmas I was 19. He invited me to Christmas Eve Dinner with his family. I went and Taylor was with me. That Christmas is one that everyone will remember. Both of my step-sisters had kids and my step-brother had one on the way. We were all gathered around the dinner table. When I stood up and said to everyone(4 grandparents, 1 parent and 1 stepparent, 3 step siblings, 3 in laws, 3 nieces and nephews), "I'm gay and this is my lover since I was 15, Taylor. I figured that this was the best time to tell you since everyone was here." It was a quiet dinner after that. And at about midnight I heard my siblings and in laws all talking. Me and Taylor woke up the next morning and made breakfast. It was a huge breakfast, like the ones Grandma always makes on Christmas Day. Everyone actually ate it. After moving it around on their plates for about 10 minutes. After eating we all went to open presents. Taylor and I cuddling on one of the 4 couches in the living room. After all the presents were opened Tim stood up and made an announcement, "Willow, I couldn't be anymore proud of you. You have followed your dreams and went where you wanted. It was a shock last night, to all of us. I think most of us were wondering when you would settle down. But we were all wrong, you've been settled down forever." Tim had never told me that he was proud of me. There was the occasional 'good job' or 'great work' but never 'I'm proud of you' and that Christmas Dinner was the last one I spent with Tim and his family. But I know that my name being marked off the 'invite list' wasn't his doing because I always got a phone call at 3 in the morning Christmas Day.

I'm not exactly a teen anymore, but most of my story happened in my teen years. It's just a small portion of a big story. (I'm 20 by the way, almost 21)

Thanks for taking the time to read my story,

Willow R.