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Gay/Les/Bi Advice
Ask our gay/les/bi advisors anything having to do with gay/les/bi issues.
Our Advisors
All advisors for Gay/Les/Bi Advice are Student Center members. They will answer your questions carefully and thoughtfully. We currently have 5 active advisors in this section. You can click on an advisor's name below to view his/her profile, or click here to Ask our Advisors!
Read Advice
Read the most recently answered questions below, or click here to read older advice. Before you ask a question, read through some of the older advice - your question might have already been answered!
| Topic: |
Coming Out |
| Date: |
November 15, 2009 |
| shadow_chaser asks: |
ive been gay since i was 11 but i just came out to a few people. i want to tell my parents but they are extremely homophobic. how should i tell them? |
| rickweber says: |
First, I think you should spend some time thinking about the pros and cons of coming out to them. We risk a lot by coming out: relationships, financial support, shelter, being forced into therapy, etc. You know your parents better than I do, so you likely have a better idea of what you risk by coming out to them.
Second, come out to them when you want to and in the way you want to. However it is wise to prepare yourself for possible immediate and long term consequences. It would also be wise to educate yourself a bit. Often when we come out, we have to play the role of educator too. Many people don't understand what it means to be LGBT or what issues we face. Friends and family may want to help, but may not know how they can support you or be an ally to the LGBT community.
In short, assess your risks/benefits, pick a timely opportunity, and educate yourself.
Here is a link to a great read for anybody who is considering coming out to their parents.
http://www.qrd.org/qrd/youth/read.this.before.coming.out.to.your.parents
I would also encourage you to check out some of our Coming Out resources.
http://forums.student.com/viewtopic.php?t=317314 |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
November 05, 2009 |
| dillbaby1 asks: |
I work with a guy who is a couple of years older than me and we got along great in the beginning but as time went on it started as resentment to impress the boss but deep down I really like this guy. He is sweet and loves helping people but the problem is I was afraid so I started to convince myself and everyone else that I hated him and blamed the job. I have said some things I am so SO sorry I said about him. I was just so scared so I tried to make myself hate him but now I am starting to realize what I am doing is wrong. I don't know what to do. We don't talk anymore and I want to get along and say I'm sorry. He is also straight and no one knows about me. I have all of these mixed emotions and don't know what to do. |
| axedmoon says: |
Since you know he is straight, we will have to eliminate the possibility of romance. So that is number one thing, don't allow yourself to foster hope for something we know cannot happen.
Secondly, you should probably apologize to him. Just be honest about it. Go up to him, and start off, "I'm sorry we don't talk anymore. I hope you forgive me for anything I might have done or said that offended you. How have you been?" Something like that.
Third, forgive yourself. What has been done is done. You cannot change the past, and the only thing you can do is mend it. Accept that limitation. It's okay. We all mess up. It's part of being human, and the even more beautiful part is mercy. So you need to give yourself breathing room to grow and learn from these things.
Take care, and good luck,
bean |
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| Topic: |
General |
| Date: |
November 03, 2009 |
| I need some help plz asks: |
So I am a junior (age 16) and I have PE class with the seventh graders... There is one (13 years old) that i have a crush on.. And I don't want to have a crush on someone three years younger than me... It's weird for me to like him because it seems like it's illegal.. Please give advice on how to stop liking this "kid" |
| axedmoon says: |
Distance. Sometimes it's the ugliest, but most necessary thing. You just have to distance yourself, and focus on other things. Start picking out flaws or something and focus on that.
There is no one way (or easy) to do this. Good luck! |
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